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Tips on Raising Teens and Pre-Teens

by suescheff @ 2008-06-28 - 12:32:44

Your teen is becoming more independent, but still needs plenty of advice from you. With more money to spend and more opportunities to spend it, your teen can get him or herself and even you into financial trouble, but with your help, your teen can develop the self-confidence and skills he or she needs to successfully manage money in the real world.

Lesson 1: Handling earnings from a job

Teens often have more expenses than younger children, and your child may be coming to you for money more often. This is an opportunity to teach your teen about money.
You might want to encourage your teen to get a part-time job.  Here are some things you might want to discuss with your teen when he or she begins working:

  • Limit the hours worked so it won’t interfere with schoolwork and family time.
  • Agree on what your child's pay should be used for. Now that your teen is working, will he or she need to help out with car insurance or clothing expenses, or do you want your teen to earmark a portion of each paycheck for college?
  • Talk to your teen about taxes. Show your child how FICA taxes and regular income taxes can take a bite out of his or her take-home pay.
  • Introduce your teen to the idea of paying yourself first. Encourage your teen to deposit a portion of every paycheck in a savings account before spending any of it.

A teen that is too young to get a job outside the home can make extra cash by babysitting or doing odd jobs for you, neighbors, or relatives.

Lesson 2: Developing a budget

Developing a spending plan or budget that includes items like clothes, recreation, and gas for the car can help your teen learn to manage money. Your goal is to teach your teen how to find a balance between money coming in and money going out. Have your teen start by listing out all sources of regular income (e.g., an allowance or earnings from a part-time job). Next, have your teen list regular expenses (don't include anything you normally pay for). Finally, subtract your teen's expenses from his or her income. If the result shows that your teen won't have enough income to meet his or her expenses, you'll need to help your teen come up with a plan for either spending less or earning more money.
Here are some ways you can help your teen learn about budgeting:

  • Consider giving out a monthly, rather than weekly, allowance. Tell your teen that the money must last for the whole month, and encourage him or her to keep track of what's been spent.
  • Encourage your teen to think spending decisions through rather than buying items right away. Show your teen how to compare prices or wait for an item to go on sale.
  • Show your teen how to change a budget by listing expenses as needs (expenses that are unavoidable) and wants (expenses that could be cut if necessary).
  • Resist the temptation to bail your teen out. If your teen can depend on you to come up with extra cash, he or she will never learn to manage money wisely. But don't be judgmental--your teen will inevitably make some spending mistakes along the way. Your child should know that he or she can always come to you for information, support, and advice.

Lesson 3: Saving for the future

Now that your child is a teen, he or she is ready to focus on saving for larger goals such as a new computer or a car and longer-term goals such as college. Here are some ways you can encourage your teen to save for the future:

  • Have your teen put savings goals in writing to make them more concrete.
  • Encourage your child to set goals that are based on his or her values, not on keeping up with what other teens have or want.
  • Motivate your child by offering to match what he or she saves towards a long-term goal. For instance, for every dollar your child sets aside for college, you might contribute 50 cents or 1 dollar.
  • Praise your teen for showing responsibility when he or she reaches a financial goal. Teens still look for, and count on, their parent's approval.
  • Open up a savings account for your child if you haven't already done so.

Lesson 4: Using credit wisely

Show your teen how you use your credit card wisely.  Explain how fees will be charged if payments are not made on time and that finance charges will be added if you do not pay the bill in full each month.  Go over the credit card bill with your teen to show him or her how they can keep track of where the money is being spent each month.



 
 

Teen Body Image by Sarah Maria (great article for parents of teens)

by suescheff @ 2008-06-25 - 14:56:48

Sara Maria is offering her E-Book, which is normally $27.00 for free to all readersClick here for more information.

Body Image in Teens

If you’re in high school, most of your friends are probably on a diet. A recent study shows that 90% of junior and senior girls are on a diet regularly, even though only 10-15% are actually overweight.

The modeling industry also promotes the idea that you need to diet and exercise religiously. Fashion models are actually thinner than 98% of American women. An average woman stands 5′4″ tall and weighs about 140 lbs, while the average fashion model is a towering 5′11″ tall and weighs under 117 lbs.

In reality no amount of dieting, exercise and discipline can earn you a magazine cover-ready body because those photos have been Photo Shopped, doctored and airbrushed. Don’t waste your time attempting to be what you are not, instead; focus on cultivating who you are!

Body Image Tips
As you progress through puberty and your high school years, your body changes as fast as your favorite ringtones. But learning to appreciate your body and have positive self image is a task that few adults have even mastered. Here are some tips to help you learn to love yourself:

  • Learn to Cook- It is never too early to learn to cook. In just a few years, you will be on your own and you will be expected to feed and take care of yourself. Get some practice at home by preparing some family meals or meals for just yourself. Try some new foods by looking through cookbooks and online. Impress your friends by having a dinner party. This also helps you understand how food functions within a regular diet. Learn how to cook healthily so you can eat healthily, but don’t spend too much time worrying about food!
  • Don’t Diet!- Dieting is a great way to ruin your eating habits and your relationship with food and your body. Instead, learn about healthy eating and exercise habits. The healthy habits you learn while you are young will serve you throughout your life!
  • People Watch- Go to the mall or a public space and people watch. How many are fat or thin? How tall are most women? Men? What do you like or dislike about people’s styles, looks or body type? How much of their appearance is “style” and how much is their actual body types? Cultivate the ability to see style and beauty in everyone. As you learn to do this, you can be a trend-setter instead of a trend-follower.
  • Keep it Real- Remember, people only pick the best photos to be on their MySpace or Facebook page. Remind yourself that they all have bad hair days, the occasional zit or an unflattering outfit choice.
  • Stay Well Rounded- Sign up for activities that you have never tried. Join an intramural sport or speech meet. Build up your college resume by participating in extracurricular activities. It’s a great way to broaden your social circle and prepares you for college or a job.
  • Be a Trend Setter- Don’t just follow the crowd - create your own crowd by being a trend setter. Find your own style and look by experimenting with your hair, makeup and clothing. What is your look trying to say? Does it match what you want people to think about you? Someone has to set the trends. Why not you?
  • Learn to meditate- It is never too early to learn to meditate. You will find that this is a skill you can use all your life. By focusing inward, it is easier to distill the truth rather than listening to outside influences. It will also help you manage the stress of your busy life.

Parental Tips
If you are a parent of a teen, you know the challenges of living with an emotional, possibly aloof teenager who begs for guidance but disregards most of what you say. Their alternating moods and attitudes make approaching a touchy subject like body image feels dangerous. The following are some tips to help with a positive body image:

  • Have an Open Door Policy-You’d like your teen to approach you with any problem she is facing but often you aren’t sure if she’s coming to you, going to her friends or suffering alone. Encourage regular candid conversation by noticing what times and places your teen is most likely to talk. Is she a night owl? Does she talking on a long drive? Is she more comfortable emailing? Use the time and venue that is most comfortable for her and encourage open sharing.
  • Limit Harmful Media- Put your teen daughter on a media diet. Don’t feel you need to restrict website, magazine or TV shows entirely. Just be cautious of what mediums she concentrates on. Be especially mindful of any one celebrity that she idolizes or photos that she tears out and stares at repeatedly. Discuss how all magazine photos are airbrushed and doctored.
  • Compliment Her and Her Friends- Make a point to compliment both your daughter and her friends on a well-put together outfit or a new hair style. Teens are trying on new looks and personalities as their bodies change. Let them know that they have hit on a good look when they experiment in the right direction.

Make sure to compliment them on things not related to their appearance as well. A good grade, a valiant sports effort or kind deed also deserve notice. Try to practice a 90/10% rule. Let 90% of your comments and insights be positive and only 10% should be carefully worded constructive criticism.

Resources:

Health AtoZ: Is it a Diet or an Eating Disorder?

Eating Disorder Statistics
http://www.freewebs.com/anadeath/statistics.htm

Sue Scheff - New England Inhalant Abuse Prevention Coalition

by suescheff @ 2008-06-20 - 15:20:47

Click on the links below for more information about inhalant abuse, prevention, and treatment.

Prevention Videos
Prevention Information
Treatment Information
Inhalant Web Sites

Our Prevention Approach Inhalants, more than any other drug, are readily available to children, and can be deadly on first use. Therefore, to do no harm, inhalant prevention messages for children should not teach them what products can be abused, how to abuse inhalants, or what their euphoric effects are. We do not want to engage their curiosity.

Today’s prevailing expert consensus about best practices recommends disconnecting inhalant abuse prevention from substance abuse prevention for children who do not already know about inhalants. Instead, education about inhalants should stress their poisonous, toxic, polluting, combustible and explosive nature and should emphasize product safety. When targeting young children who have had little or no exposure to the nature of inhalants, there is no reason to make the association for them, thereby giving them an easily accessible way to get high. When children already know about inhalants as a drug, we still teach about it as we would for a naïve child, but may add a substance abuse component. The materials in this section follow this approach.

Sue Scheff: The Dangers of Inhalant Abuse

by suescheff @ 2008-06-15 - 15:41:17
By www.inhalant.org

Inhaled chemicals are rapidly absorbed through the lungs into the bloodstream
and quickly distributed to the brain and other organs. Within minutes, the user
experiences intoxication, with symptoms similar to those produced by drinking
alcohol. With Inhalants, however, intoxication lasts only a few minutes, so some
users prolong the “high” by continuing to inhale repeatedly.

Short-term effects include:

headaches, muscle weakness, abdominal pain, severe
mood swings and violent behavior, belligerence, slurred speech, numbness and
tingling of the hands and feet, nausea, hearing loss, visual disturbances, limb
spasms, fatigue, lack of coordination, apathy, impaired judgment, dizziness,
lethargy, depressed reflexes, stupor, and loss of consciousness.
The Inhalant user will initially feel slightly stimulated and, after successive
inhalations, will feel less inhibited and less in control. Hallucinations may
occur and the user can lose consciousness. Worse, he or she, may even die.
Please see Sudden Sniffing Death Syndrome below.

Long-term Inhalant users generally suffer from:

weight loss, muscle weakness,
disorientation, inattentiveness, lack of coordination, irritability and depression.
Different Inhalants produce different harmful effects, and regular abuse of these
substances can result in serious harm to vital organs. Serious, but potentially
reversible, effects include liver and kidney damage. Harmful irreversible effects
include: hearing loss, limb spasms, bone marrow and central nervous system
(including brain) damage.

Sudden Sniffing Death Syndrome:

Children can die the first time, or any time, they try an Inhalant. This is
known as Sudden Sniffing Death Syndrome. While it can occur with many
types of Inhalants, it is particularly associated with the abuse of air conditioning
coolant, butane, propane, and the chemicals in some aerosol products. Sudden Sniffing Death Syndrome is usually associated with cardiac arrest. The Inhalant causes the heart to beat rapidly and erratically, resulting in cardiac arrest.


Learn more:

Sue Scheff: Parents Take Time to Learn More about Inhalant Abuse

by suescheff @ 2008-06-13 - 15:11:32

Visit www.inhalant.org

Most parents are in the dark regarding the popularity and dangers of inhalant use. But children are quickly discovering that common household products are inexpensive to obtain, easy to hide and the easiest way to get high. According to national surveys, inhaling dangerous products is becoming one of the most widespread problems in the country. It is as popular as marijuana with young people. More than a million people used inhalants to get high just last year. By the time a student reaches the 8th grade, one in five will have used inhalants.

What is inhalant use? Inhalant use refers to the intentional breathing of gas or vapors with the purpose of reaching a high. Inhalants are legal, everyday products which have a useful purpose, but can be misused. You're probably familiar with many of these substances -- paint, glue and others. But you probably don't know that there are more than 1,000 products that are very dangerous when inhaled -- things like typewriter correction fluid, air-conditioning refrigerant, felt tip markers, spray paint, air freshener, butane and even cooking spray. See Products Abused as Inhalants for more details.

Who is at risk? Inhalants are an equal opportunity method of substance abuse. Statistics show that young, white males have the highest usage rates. Hispanic and American Indian populations also show high rates of usage. See Characteristics of Users and Signs of an Inhalant User for more details.

What can inhalants do to the body? Nearly all abused products produce effects similar to anesthetics, which slow down the body's function. Varying upon level of dosage, the user can experience slight stimulation, feeling of less inhibition or loss of consciousness. The user can also suffer from Sudden Sniffing Death Syndrome. This means the user can die the 1st, 10th or 100th time he or she uses an inhalant. Other effects include damage to the heart, kidney, brain, liver, bone marrow and other organs. Results similar to Fetal Alcohol Syndrome may also occur when inhalants are used during pregnancy. Inhalants are physically and psychologically addicting and users suffer withdrawal symptoms. See Damage Inhalants Can Cause to the Body and Brain, Long-Term Effects of Inhalant Usage and Signs and Symptoms of a Long-Term User for more details.

What can I do if someone I know is huffing and appears in a state of crisis? If someone you know is huffing, the best thing to do is remain calm and seek help. Agitation may cause the huffer to become violent, experience hallucinations or suffer heart dysfunction which can cause Sudden Sniffing Death Syndrome. Make sure the room is well ventilated and call EMS. If the person is not breathing, administer CPR. Once recovered, seek professional treatment and counseling. See What To Do If Someone is Huffing for more details.

Can inhalant use be treated? Treatment facilities for inhalant users are rare and difficult to find. Users suffer a high rate of relapse, and require thirty to forty days or more of detoxification. Users suffer withdrawal symptoms which can include hallucinations, nausea, excessive sweating, hand tremors, muscle cramps, headaches, chills and delirium tremens. Follow-up treatment is very important. If you or someone you know is seeking help for inhalant abuse, you can contact the National Inhalant Prevention Coalition at 1-800-269-4237 for information on treatment centers and general information on inhalants. Through a network of nationwide contacts, NIPC can help (but not guarantee) finding a center in your area that treats inhalant use.

What should I tell my child or students about inhalants? It is never too early to teach your children about the dangers of inhalants. Don't just say "not my kid." Inhalant use starts as early as elementary school and is considered a gateway to further substance abuse. Parents often remain ignorant of inhalant use or do not educate their children until it is too late. Inhalants are not drugs. They are poisons and toxins and should be discussed as such. There are, however, a few age appropriate guidelines that can be useful when educating your children. See Tips for Teachers for more details on how much to tell your children or students in the classroom about inhalants.

How can I educate my community about inhalants? NIPC leads the annual National Inhalants & Poisons Awareness Week (NIPAW) every third week in March. The next campaign will be held March 18 - 24, 2007. This community mobilization campaign has proven to be an effective tool for fighting inhalant abuse. In Texas, where the campaign originated, inhalant use decreased following widespread involvement in NIPAW. For details on the campaign and NIPAW coordination in your community, see NIPAW 2007.

How can I be put on the NIPC mailing list? To receive current inhalant news and information, contact NIPC with your name, organization (if applicable), address, phone, fax and e-mail. Also, please indicate how you heard about the National Inhalant Prevention Coalition or how you found NIPC on the Web. Subscriptions to the NIPC newsletter and general information booklet "Inhalants: The Silent Epidemic" are free, but a voluntary payment or contribution is requested.

National Inhalant Prevention Coalition
322-A Thompson Street
Chattanooga, TN 37405

phone: 800-269-4237 or 423-265-4662
fax: 423-265-4889
e-mail: nipc@io.com

Sue Scheff: Internet PredatorsTarget Teens with Depression

by suescheff @ 2008-06-12 - 14:22:20
By Johanna Curtis

Internet Predators Target Teens with Depression, Acne and Mental Illness

Bipolar, Acne, Depression, Chronic Illness? Your Teen May be More Vulnerable

Net predators mostly target vulnerable teens. Find out which teens are most vulnerable and how to protect them. Acne, depression, bipolar put teens at risk.

It’s not our youngest children, but our teens that are most at risk from internet predators. So say Janis Wolak, JD, David Finkelhor, PhD, Kimberly Mitchell, PhD and Michele Ybarra, PhD, at the Crimes against Children Research Center, University of New Hampshire. In a study entitled “Online Predators and Their Victims: Myths, Realties and Implications” published in the February/March 2008 issue of American Psychologist, the researchers reveal that it’s vulnerable teens rather than younger children who are the targets of predatory adults. The journal is published by the American Psychological Association (APA).

In opposition to popular opinion, adult predators are not posing as teens to attract very young children and they don’t generally abduct or rape children. Instead the study showed that most predators didn’t hide their adult status, only their motivations, and that teens in particular are their intended victims.

In these scenarios they attempted to gain the trust of a vulnerable teen and then seduced them into sexually motivated relationships or meetings.

A considerable amount of time may be spent courting these teens who are often from difficult family backgrounds or vulnerable circumstances. Any teen might be vulnerable but teens with chronic illness, teenage acne, physical disability, bipolar disorder, depression, body image concerns and eating disorders are at particular risk.

These are just a few examples of the kinds of teens who may easily be lured into the web of an online predator. Since the predator may grow to know the teen very well and spend plenty of time talking to them, the teen is often a willing participant in the sexual encounter, seeing it as a blur of romance, acceptance or sexual awakening.

Often the teens have been victims of sexual or physical abuse, marital discord and health problems. Teens also tend to be prone to risk taking in both real life and virtual settings.

One teen was lured into an encounter when he identified with the predator’s fabricated struggle to find the best treatment for adult acne. In this case the teen was looking for advice on treating acne and he found it in this particular online predator.

This endeared the man to him and set the stage for a later sexual encounter. Thus it is possible that your teen starts out sharing a home recipe for back acne treatment and ends up in a scary situation!

In short- teens with low self esteem, body image, emotional and family problems that enjoy the thrill of taking risks are exactly they type of child that an online predator is hoping to find.

Three surveys were conducted by the researchers-two took the form of telephone interviews with 3000 internet users aged ten to seventeen (200o and 2005) and in the other 612 interviews were held with federal, state and local law enforcement officials in the United States (October 2001- July 2002).

The researchers emphasized the importance of the study: “To prevent these crimes, we need accurate information about their true dynamics," said Janis Wolak.

“The things that we hear and fear and the things that actually occur may not be the same. The newness of the environment makes it hard to see where the danger is."

Also important was the finding that social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace did not aggravate predator abuse. Instead teens who spent time talking online to strangers particularly about sexual topics were placed in the highest risk categories. "Most Internet-initiated sex crimes involve adult men who are open about their interest in sex," Wolak said. "The offenders use instant messages, e-mail and chat rooms to meet and develop intimate relationships with their victims. In most of the cases, the victims are aware that they are talking online with adults." "A majority of the offenders are charged with crimes such as statutory rape, that involve non-forcible sexual activity with adolescent victims who are too young to consent to sexual intercourse with adults," she said.

When children are discouraged from sharing personal details and being deceived online it does little to deter these problems the study revealed. Adults keeping constant tabs on internet activities did not prove to be the answer either.

Instead it is suggested by the researchers that parents should spend time teaching teens about the risks associated with certain types of behavior.

This means that parents should be having open and honest discussions about romantic or sexual relationships/encounters with an adult. The risks and patterns inherent in online relationships should be pointed out to the teen without making him/her feel judged. Unfortunately this is often easier said than done.

These families often have considerable communication difficulties already and the teens may not feel respectful or trusting towards their parent or caregiver. In this case other sources could be found that could help provide information to the teen.

The study also revealed that adults do not pretend to be teens very often (5% of crimes committed involved an adult impersonating a teen). Seventy-five percent of victims who met a predator did so on more than a single occasion.

Predators are not usually violent and do not generally force their victims into sexual behavior, instead they attempt to court them into making the decision for themselves. In the mind of the predator this relieves them of some of the responsbility for their crimes. He/she does not seem to consider the naivete or inexperience of the average teen.

It also appears that teens who have been involved in risky online activities reveal that they have received sexual offers over the internet. Risky activities might take the form of spending time talking to or e-mailing strangers, talking about sex with strangers or being antagonistic or nasty to people online.

Homosexual teen boys are at special risk say researchers. This is because they are unsure of their sexuality. One quarter of crimes committed involved boys who were gay or questioning their sexuality.

The best thing parents can do is maintain consistent open communication with their teens about their online activities. If a teen seems secretive about his/her online activities then investigate by searching their computer for any e-mails, chats, instant messages or other risky online activities.

Do not feel as though you are breaching your teen’s privacy. Young boys and girls do deserve some private time and activities, but in this case some well-timed “snooping” might save a life so if you feel at all uneasy don’t hesitate to try to uncover your teens internet habits.

The entire article may be found at: http://www.apa.org/journals/releases/amp632111.pdf

Sue Scheff: Raising Teens in a New Culture

by suescheff @ 2008-06-10 - 14:00:16

Raising teens poses enough challenges in itself - parenting a teen in a new culture adds another level of complexity. Chances are, your teen years were very different than your child's will be living in America. Here's a few things to keep in mind as you guide your teen into young adulthood:

YOUR TEEN MAY TRY TO FIT THE "AMERICAN" NORM.
We may not like it, but this is normal. Sometimes it means they will dress in strange ways or "reject" their culture. Peer pressure is a big deal to kids at this age, and they're just trying to fit in with the rest of their friends and schoolmates at this time.

PASS ON YOUR CULTURE AND LANGUAGE.
Your teen should know your family's traditions, beliefs, religion and language, as well as the story of your journey to America. Right now, teens may not be interested or even "rebuff" their culture. As they grow up, they will learn to appreciate their language, food and customs - and take pride in these traditions.

LISTEN TO YOUR TEEN.
It's hard to grow up in two cultures. Teens need support to help understand their roots, while you may need their help to understand what it's like to grow up in America. Talking and listening to each other will help you both succeed.

KNOW THE CULTURAL DIFFERENCES.
There are many "standards" that may be different from your culture. For example, friendships outside the family may be more common than they were in your childhood. Or, you may be concerned that your children aren't obedient or respectful. Your teens are growing up in two cultures. To help your teen succeed in America, decide what expectations you need to keep and what you can change.

TALK WITH OTHER PARENTS. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
As private as parenting is, we all need ideas - especially when we are raising our teens in a new culture. Get together with other parents to share advice and stories, and explore this site for more culturally-specific parenting resources.


 
 

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